Yesterday I threw up a very vague tidbit on twitter about being really excited about an announcement I had to make. Although I have confided in a few friends about said announcement (and close family,) I still can’t come out to everyone I know, and it’s driving me freaking insane. Ah, the beauty of having an anonymous blog where I can run my big blobby mouth with no repercussion.
Earlier this week I was approached by a close friend with an amazing business opportunity. Basically, I was invited this summer to open and operate a bar in a popular tourist district about 2 hours from my home. I not only have financial backing, but my fiancé and I have free rein to run it however we please. This area is a notorious celebrity hang out, and we are encouraged to book giant weekend events with national recording artists. It’s a dream gig.
The only downfall is my own personal fear. The small town bar I own and operate now is my life. Although we are not closing it, I feel like I am “abandoning” the place and staff I care so much about to take this leap. I am afraid of living away from home for half of the week, I’m scared to not have my dog with me all the time, I am afraid I’m going to hate it – or worse, everyone is going to hate me. I’m also afraid if I take away the “me” I put into my business now, if it will somehow fall apart. Even worse, I’m scared that my bar, my baby, will function perfectly fine without its mommy.
My stomach has been in knots for days. I am trying not to talk too much about it, because I’m concerned it will fall through and I will look like an ass. So my secret is safe with you all, my Internet confidants.
The one thing I’m not concerned about, though, is my ability. I know I’m spectacular at my job. I am really good at creating one of a kind menus with food people will love. I’m a whiz kid at beer and wine pairings. I can create cocktails that will drive anyone to drink. I have an ear for music. I throw fun events that people talk about for months. I’m good at accounting, law, advertising, and being a “boss.” I need to keep reminding myself that these strengths, plus having a business partner who is equally as strong, will help make this a huge, life changing, amazing career choice.
It’s funny how comfortable I’ve gotten with something that initially scared the shit out of me. When we first opened the bar, I was clueless. I had bartended for many years, but every other aspect of it, we had to figure out along the way. The fact that it is successful now, and most days everything moves like clockwork is clutch. Last month though, I went into a bout of depression. I have never opened up to really anyone about this, but I just felt “stuck.” I felt like my career was at a standstill, and I didn’t want the rest of my life to be being a glorified line cook with part ownership of a business. I felt like my abilities were being stifled by my circumstance, my staff was so tiny that my function was doing all the things they didn’t have time to do. I was putting 10 hours of my life 7 days a week into standing in a kitchen cooking. I will be the first to admit, that’s the WRONG way to run a business. Other things go to the wayside, you don’t have the opportunity to grow or get better as a business. Sometimes it has to be done like that until things get straightened out, but I was straight up sad and miserable. It reflected on my relationship with Aaron – all we did was fight. And it was about scary hurtful things too… Who does more work around here was the biggie – and there were many days of crying myself to sleep and praying for a solution.
Well, the solution not only presented itself, but it’s a million times more than I could ask for. Although this blog has mostly been my voice as a fitness aficionado, I really look forward to letting you all in on this part of my life. I also think it’s important to act as a resource for other aspiring entrepreneurs so they can not only see that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but also that if you dump every possible resource you have into something you feel passionately about, you will get back tenfold. Not only financially, but in the enrichment of your life, your very being as a whole. So as I am off to daydream about fun details like creating a great menu and what kind of uniforms my staff will be wearing, I will leave you with a quote from one of my favorite modernist minds, Katherine Mansfield –