Rebirth. And Bridging a Gap.

Today I took some time to revisit my old blog posts and reevaluate where my life journey is taking me. To be quite frank with you all, as I did so I was quite frankly disturbed by my discoveries. Having a blog that you keep hidden from most people you are close with opens the doors to saying things that you maybe wouldn’t otherwise say, and also disclosing things that may otherwise be better left unsaid.
Yes, blogging anonymously has been cathartic to some extent, but as I grow personally, striving to be not only a fitter, healthier person, but also a stronger entrepreneur and one day a well respected individual in the field of fitness, I am kind of embarrassed by a lot of things that have gone down here.
This post is namely to address said problems so we can move forward with our lives.

First off:

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Yeah, about that. I want to be the first to say that when I first started lifting, it was for a lot of wrong, unhealthy reasons. I always had body image issues, and will openly admit I have done a lot of stupid things in my day to find my happiness in the form of a dream body.
I look back on these old posts riddled with pictures of fitness models, athletes, and generally stupid “harden the f up” slogans and I feel really ashamed that that was something I openly advocated. Although I don’t think there’s anything wrong with admiring an athlete’s physique or accomplishments, a lot of fitspo is horribly sexualized to the point that it degrades the actual hard work and discipline that said athlete has endured.
I spent a good part of last year thinking that becoming fitspo would be the key to finding happiness in my life. I unfairly projected that stuff onto you guys. From here on out I promise to be more cautious about posting such things.

This leads me to another giant faux pas:

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Although I never came out and said “I hate fat people” (at least I hope I didn’t), I know I have made very obnoxious statements in the past that probably did more harm than good.
A little background on this – I used to be fat. At various points in my life even. I endured my share of “fat shaming” as a child, and it was completely detrimental to my body image growing up.
Me saying ignorant things about the overweight was my way of dealing with how badly I hated my former fat self. It was also my way of being cocky about my accomplishments. Although I will never condone obesity, nor will I advocate any “fat and proud” movements because I think those things set a poor example for our youth, I will also do my part to be more helpful than hurtful. The more I delve into the field of personal training, the greater my awareness becomes for the desire for the overweight to find someone to help them. Although they have to be willing to put in the work, they also deserve to be respected during the process. I threw that right out the window many times in the past year, and I feel pretty terrible about it now.

Quite Similar but deserving of its own paragraph is:

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I see this in a lot of fitness blogs, and I used to believe it was confidence and experience based. I also thought the second I started lifting I was a superior being over all those who do not – ranging from sedentary individuals to endurance athletes. I noticed a lot of “this is the ONLY” way “EVERYONE” must train, eat, live, etc… Shining through my posts.
Major face palm on my behalf, guys. The more I train as a power lifter, the more I realize how clueless I remain to this day. The more I tweak my diet and training, the more I understand how this journey continues to develop slowly but surely. The more I interact with a multitude of athletes of different platforms the more I come to appreciate their skill set and the dedication they put into becoming conditioned at their sport.
I’m not saying that every human being cant reap some sort of benefit from lifting heavy. I am saying that one’s lifting program should be tailored to reaching their own personal goals. And just because I really really love and believe in my goals, doesn’t give me the authority to disregard yours.

Last, but not least…

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The more I train, the more I realize the bigger picture is so much more than my ass in booty shorts. I deleted countless posts with said pics, only because it really really takes away from the cool stuff that I’m actually accomplishing. Yes, it’s fun to love the way your body looks, but the never ending barrage of mirror shots screams “pay attention to me because I think I’m hot stuff!” This obviously was never my intention, but my focus now is on becoming a better athlete, and since my arena isn’t body building, how I look is kind of irrelevant.
What isn’t irrelevant though is pictures capturing proud moments in my life, videos of me lifting, and the occasional vlog to check in and say hi. I promise to share more of this kind of stuff, because it showcases who I am, and gives me the chance to let you into my life.

In a nutshell…
I have been really disappointed in the trends of fitness blogs as of late, and I feel like a lot of my previous work contributed greatly to that junk. Though that was never my intention, I feel like it’s time to move in a more positive direction, and start writing quality material that I feel passionately about.
I also feel that in the near future I want to feel confident enough about this blog to be proud to share it with the people in my life, and not just hide behind the comfort of being another anon. This is going to take a little time on my part, because I feel like it opens me up to real life judgement. If you’ve noticed I deleted a ton of posts, it’s a culmination of the aforementioned things as well as the fact that I’m trying to make a peaceful reentrance into the world of blogging.
Now that I’ve got all that off my chest, I feel like I can start fresh and introduce myself as a real human being…
First of all, my name is Martha and I love to lift.

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14 thoughts on “Rebirth. And Bridging a Gap.

  1. Love, love, love this post, your honesty & your commitment looking forward! The HLB world walks a fine line between healthy & extreme & realizing that line exists is huge. I applaud you for being open about your past posts! Thanks for saying what so many others are merely thinking!

  2. You’ve been BUSY during your blogging break. 🙂
    I couldn’t LOVE this post more. Honest, open…what else could your readers want?
    REALLY looking forward to future posts.

    – Your reader who appreciates you (and the colors of your paragraph title graphics). 🙂

  3. Love ya, girl. This is great, and so true.
    I started a post a long time ago (and never did anything with it) about body image and the media. Social media body image is ridiculous. And as much as I know so many girls go gaga over fitspo, unless that is me in the fitspo pic, you really won’t see any of that going on.
    You have been doing an amazing job, and I miss your brutal honesty in your posts. I am learning so much more everyday, as you are, and it is hard to not get judgmental sometimes.. but just keep doing what you’re doing. And being awesome. xoxo

    • I think you do an awesome job of not blasting people with fitspo. It’s really crazy how something that is essentially a motivational tool can lead to so much psychological harm.
      Glad you stopped by! Thanks for helping me get out of my blogging rut!

    • I guess I realized it a long time ago but just didn’t know how to come back from it. It was almost enough to make me quit blogging in general, but I realized its better to just grow up and admit to mistakes and then fix them!

  4. Hi Martha. I like this post a lot. And despite all the posts that you deleted and why you deleted them, I always have seen you to be honest, caring, and full of passion for your sport. Ah, now that you got the fat shaming out of the way, I can’t wait to see what you turn out on this blog!! 🙂 Love you the whole way through girl.

  5. Hey Martha, I really enjoyed this post! As you mentioned it’s definitely a journey with lifting and with blogging. Don’t be too hard on yourself though; we’re growing and changing all the time. I love your fresh perspective, but I do understand where you were coming from, and I still liked you then : )

  6. Welcome back.
    You actually made me go through MY blog and see if I have done any of these things unwittingly.
    It’s nice to have things called to attention.
    But I’m leaving my progress pics.
    Mostly because I’m an attention whore 😉

    • I don’t see anything wrong with progress pics to an extent – you did it, so own it!
      I just am going through one of those soul searchy looks aren’t everything phases… I’m sure if I have an amazing breakthrough though, you all will probably hear about it. Haha

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