100% Demotivational

Disclaimer: If you enjoy blogging, staying in shape, are highly motivated at the moment, you might want to stop reading now. Because I am pretty much in asshole mode.

Let’s talk about last week. Guh.

20121217-181138.jpg
yup, that pretty much sums it up.

Something has been escalating for awhile now. My life has been busy, challenging, and although that ultimately means rewarding in the long run, I haven’t been able to see the big picture very clearly.

I was in a slump in general last week. My workouts felt very very hard. My work days were long and demanding. My house looked like a reindeer shit baked goods and glitter all over it. My personal training studies got really “real” all of a sudden in the terms of writing essays that require critical thinking and not just answering multiple choice stuff. You know, things that usually inspire me on a daily basis to write or tweet or at least get excited about. I really was not feeling it.

Then Sandy Hook happened, and my interest in everything kind of plummeted.

In the grand scheme of things – children lost their lives in a senseless act of violence …

Who really cares if I deadlifted and hit a PR. Who really cares what I eat? How I train? What I learn in school? How crazy my life is or how I relax when I’m feeling out of sorts.

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of life all these little activities I participate in? Am I contributing to society by taking pictures of my dinner or writing something clever?

I’m going to go with a maybe on a good day, but in general, no.

What I guess it all boils down to is some things are better left unsaid. Probably my comments above are one of those things, as surely that’s just me being cynical. The blogging community has constantly helped me move forward in my quest to lift heavier things, improve my quality of life, and get fresh ideas.

When I start thinking negatively about my blogging like that, it starts trickling down to my everyday activities as well.

Basically the “nobody cares” outlook extends to “nobody including myself cares” if I eat 11 cookies and fall asleep on the couch. I don’t care if I have an amazingly productive day, I don’t care if I half ass a couple sets, I don’t care if my house is a disaster…

It all gets very messy.

I can’t say what exactly breaks me out of that funk. I don’t know when I stop “going through the motions” and instead actively participating in my life because I don’t care who cares.

But it’s seemed to sort itself out as of today, because after 8 hours of sleep, a set of clean sheets on the bed, and sitting down to take care of my meal planning and workout schedule for this week, I’m pretty much fixed.

And the big picture is back in place.
And the weights are stacked and ready to roll.
And I realize if I can help one person stop feeling like nobody cares, even if it’s just myself, then the effort spent writing is worth every minute.

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6 thoughts on “100% Demotivational

  1. I don’t have many words to say on the tragedy.. it is extremely depressing and really makes you reflect on your own life..

    but on a lighter note, about who cares about what you do.. I do 😉 hehe. People blog as an outlet, and you blog to inspire and encourage others.. plus you’re real, so you’re extremely relateable. So yeah, keep blogging and working out and sneaking in junk food and hitting PRs, cause you rock. 🙂

  2. I definitely care. I love how honest you are with your writing and your pictures inspire me to do something about my own body.
    I’m working up the motivation to *actually* do something, but I’m getting there, thanks to you!

  3. What?!! I care and you care, and the next person cares! End of discussion 🙂 I agree with you on the latest events with young children losing their lives as a result of something totally bizarre and unreal. Our perceptions are never going to be the same once something like Sandy Hook happens. It is normal to feel at loss for words, and not know how to justify any of it. And if you live in Arkansas (like I do) it is normal to want to punch every person in their face only because they live and breathe guns and you hate them! Your internal struggles will settle down, what you are going through right now is a part of normal human reaction. Let it run its course and don’t feel guilty.

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